OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
