My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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