I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
