i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
