No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
