Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
