my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
