I must be too annoying 4 u.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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