Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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