Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
