At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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