All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
