Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
