um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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