That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
