Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
