he referred to my room as the tit cave...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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