So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You can't motorboat a personality
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
