I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No subtext here. People are naked.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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