It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
