He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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