My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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