So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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