Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
