remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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