my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
