Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
