On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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