At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
