Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
