Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
