oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
