I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
