Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I had to cum in my sink.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
