): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
