right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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