How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
