I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
40s are totally the cure
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
