After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why are your pants in the freezer?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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