so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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