idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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