I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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