Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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