i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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