I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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