I cannot find my penis.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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