I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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