I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize