Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
