i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
