Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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