All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have post one night stand depression
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
