my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
