It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
