That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
