A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize