you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Randomize
