Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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