So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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