Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
