I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
