ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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