PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
