I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
