What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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