I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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