Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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