so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Randomize
