is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
