think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
