Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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