Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
