What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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