Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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