I could have mohawked her pubes.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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