I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
