i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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