And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
