I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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