That's when you crack a 10am beer
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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