and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Rumble strips road head = magical
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
